listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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