i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
