his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
