I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
