Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
