Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
