Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
