What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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