She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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