Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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