I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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