Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
