you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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