Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
