the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
