Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
