absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
