so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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