Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
