Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
