I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
