The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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