I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i think my cat just said my name.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
