well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
