I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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