Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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