Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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