im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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