I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I joined a choir last night...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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