Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
