I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no, he came in my armpit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
