i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
