Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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