I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
