clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
