ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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