You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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