If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
