I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
