weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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