look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
