Screwed.edu
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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