i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
