I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
