He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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