so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
