just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
