Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
