Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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