i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
