I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
