Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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