if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
